Admitting to Weak Heroes

I am excited to be writing on the script side again rather than prose, composition, or the like. I’ve needed to do soul searching to help overcome certain aspects in my personal life which formed walls around actually being able to write strong script. When I started this journal for the first time two years ago, many of my thoughts were coming from a critical and theoretical perspective, partly because that’s what I happened to be dabbling with. At this point, I’ve gained more in my writing perspective and definitely understand the form and theory behind the written universe to a greater degree than in my undergraduate years, which was based primarily off intuition and exposure to what I considered transcendental storytelling. (Granted, I really shouldn’t knock my critical / analytical skills from years past.)

 Honestly, one of the main reasons I decided to pursue graduate school was to have a more structural eye to the blueprints behind writing. I want to build a mansion with writing, not a coffee table. I think knowing the cogs working behind it all any art form will help one to become more skilled in said medium. I think for this semester my journal entries will hit more on storytelling and personal fictional areas that I seem to be consistently struggling with (now that I have a stack of unpublished papers that I can peak through to find patterns.) The critical theory eye is still present in me and will probably appear-- as it has for this entry.

 What I have noticed consistently is my struggle with protagonists. This is compelling because my entire story worlds are developed through dedicating a significant amount of time in developing first the main hero. On more than one account I’ve found my auxiliary characters growing beyond what was expected and in turn almost surpassing the foundational character to which they were technically born. I have a wall to break with the main character because in essence the entire universe I create is connected to them, but many of them (especially in my longer prose) are not finding enough zest, pizzaz, or zeal.
 Part of this may be due to the emotional distance I have with the focal character and my unwillingness to make them as vulnerable as some of their counterparts. I think handing more of the juicy, heart-throbbing sequences would help not only bring out the characters, but bring in closer audience attachment. Caden has been a character I’ve worked with since my teenage years (yikes). He’s actually one of eight that I’ve had in my head for nearly ten years -- and each of those characters has a completely different universe in which I could build, so if any of these stories takes off I probably will have enough ideas in my imaginative bank to write well beyond my own death -- sadly there’s no way all story ideas will make it outside my brain.

 Nothing would exist in Caden’s world without first him. But what is making him so difficult to stand out as clearly as perhaps the female leads, the villains, or even two dimensional side characters? That’s one area in my writing I want to explore and help transcend what it is currently. Perhaps some of the strife here is... Caden isn’t altogether human. The more human I can make him the more people will buy into that twist. He has a strong moral compass and is far more innocent than many of the other characters, which this plays heavily into his flaws since he can be tricked easily, be too heartfelt toward the weak, and too merciful to actually be bent on necessary justice.

 I don’t doubt this character will grow and end up triumphing over his cast. He is in more a state of blossoming, and perhaps the main hero needs more time to cook because the sense of direction they carry should be what leads the rebellion against the status quo which I think is what the audience wants to see. My amnesiac-invincible, celestial superhero literally has to contrast against the rest of the dystopian regime, but when in the same universe there’s Lise who in her own backstory has seen countless murders and is hanging onto the narrative track by a thread, it’s hard not to look at her and be caught up in the freedom she’s pursuing. Lise was originally created to fill a hole in a short story I wrote where essentially geometrically I was thinking of the space and felt it needed to have its points fixed by a brash, sexual, and desperate woman. She was mostly two dimensional, but I kept adding to her and kept listening to how the character wanted more plot. I came to her know in my mind as a good friend who I would meet in coffee shops to discuss politics, books, and religion. This character didn’t want to be left with poor detailing. I admit to spending too much time coming to know her narrative, as with her foil Rebecca who has just as much suffering but handles it with more grace and class.

 My goal will be to strengthen Caden. He needs to be the man we’re all searching to have in a world with few men left. Even if he isn’t altogether man -- he seems to think he is. He needs a stronger foil to help balance him out, and I think that’s why I keep being drawn to one of the last additions to this story world: Edgar. He’s the prince in this one world government, and I think though he is destined to be a part of the system that’s committing massive euthanasia for the sake of an elite immortality, I think he’ll fight against it because his moral compass is too loud, too distraught for meaning and purpose.

 In the end, maybe one needs to be the justice we need in humanity and the other is the coin of mercy. Caden’s destiny is to end the flawed system running the world, but maybe he is called to be a more tender warrior, a shepherd, a being so gracious that this quality in itself obliterates the makeup of a dry, decaying world.

Webseries entry 2 -- October 15th

1. What sort of impact / effect do you believe this medium will have on society in general?

The webseries as a medium is in its infancy as a whole.

Hopefully, this medium will get to spread its legs a bit and have the chance to stay around awhile before new technology may intercede it. With television and film already setting the groundwork for sequential visual media, the webseries is its child (whether, prodigy, step-child, or bastard) and depending on how the webseries is raised and optimized, it could become a powerful tool. Unlike the other industries, the webseries is much more open to entrepreneurial and indie film artists due to it having less pressure for people to move to Los Angeles and other network communities; at this point it has the leverage of being above the censorship standards and conventional standards of television and film allowing for a much more experimental medium. However, experimentation should not be taken over narrative otherwise the webseries will struggle (and continue to struggle) to be recognized as a credible medium.

Eventually, some type of censorship may be employed, but I think it will be more to the creators to identify their audience and create visuals that compel them and keep them as an audience rather than set aside discretion. In fact, that brings question, who is our target audience? Are we going for educators and scientists alike? How can we broaden our target audience?

From 2000-2010 the advent of videos being streamed online rose to powerful heights both enabling artists and hurting pockets left and right. Newgrounds.com has brought the proclivity of animators and flash video game artists back into blood; and thereupon are a great number of animated webseries which have become the sole careers of the artists involved. Due to the large amount of animations that have been produced over the years, I would dare to say this medium is expanding and producing a plethora of outstanding as well as humorous amounts of art: from Xombie, Saladfingers, Blockhead, the Jerry series, and Brackenwood (to name a few). Yeah, sure some of these are ridiculous, Brackenwood however is one of the best flash animations I've ever seen that's completely of its own Australian universe and has some of the most beautifully slick animation to date. The kind of appeal here is so strong, that not only can it help amateurs to make art when in a hiring freeze, but setting up your own work and it gaining popularity online also looks fantastic on any resume and makes a person that much more desired for a company.

I believe animation is actually ahead to some degree in building up artists and helping them to get noticed; perchance that's because many of the people behind these animations are doing everything, including the music, voices, story, etc.

For a webseries to standout and have the same appeal as a film, it will take a ton of crew, an intelligent crew at that. It's easy to get attention for one fluke video, but to keep that consistency and actually create a meaningful story is no simple task. I've followed certain people online for a number of years due to things they consistently produce, not having enough quantity will push you to the wayside in this industry. It's about consistently putting out quantity that has quality: neither of these two terms should be neglected.

I seriously doubt that webserieses as a whole will take in more cash flow than either film or television in a given year, but perhaps it has the chance to glow and perhaps networks will start pushing for this style so as to survive in a world gone digital.

2. What sort of impact / effect do you believe our webseries will have on society?

We have a couple of huge advantages: 1.) We should have some of the best writing a webseries has seen up to date, which is on par with traditional narrative theories, making it slick as a story and compelling automatically. 2.) I don't know of any other academic institution that is working toward making a webseries, one that also has government science agencies supporting it and so forth.

Now with that being said, we will need as much prep work in the production and post-production teams that either equals or surpasses the creative merits of the writing group or else, we'll have a great story, but -- terrible visual development all around. I have no doubt our framework will be outstanding, but the questions continue onto the next departments, which takes a great amount of faith.

*And I highly recommend that whoever will be editing, should get the chance to do so continued on into the summer... when said student(s) will be much more free to sit at editbays for real industry type shifts instead of having to mix it with school, graduation, finals, and all the other variables. Being a student who has been in that process and seen others do so -- summer editing is important to both the MJF and EA departments as a whole (and should probably be mentioned more to students). ANYWAY, with that little commercial being said, I think where it will have the most influence is for the university being recognized as an actual player in film schools. It's innovative, as well as shows a high amount of collaboration within the community with outstanding students who have somehow, and in many cases, quite literally come from the woods. It will also be great for all the students involved if its does in turn become successful, at a bare minimum a point on a resume, an actual script and Bible in hand for portfolios, and the actual end product itself. That's pretty cool.

The sky's the limit, really. If we market this right, we should put ourselves into magazines, be in the competitions, and of course, the website itself -- which will need to be slick, alluring, and as graceful as can be. No one likes clumsy websites.

Perhaps this too can show that Missouri State students are capable of research that's even outside their supposed field, such as science and time travel, and that they can have educated opinions as well as creative ways of approaching critical problems -- as well as tying together the knot for literary themes and their philosophical implications with the flesh and blood of the mechanics of science. Simply put, that's a dream come true.

One last note, Tarboy is an animated flash that was entirely made by a college class, and is one of the more revered flash cartoons that has been made to date.

Between Posts

Sorry I haven't written anything in awhile.

You know, I'm tired of people making fun of people just.... I'm tired of hate!

I'll come up with something a little stronger than that soon.

True Love

2 John

Short book again.

Every time I start these posts with "Why am I doing this?"

I feel I should try reading all the Bible and putting my mind to it in pursuit of God. There's nothing wrong with trying to see if God exists, right? I mean, maybe there is. But if his word is so great, then maybe I can glean stuff from it. And I've decided since I struggle to commit to actually reading the Bible that I will write this blog to force myself to do so and read it backwards... starting with the New Testament may gave me momentum to make it through.

This second epistle was sent to a woman of the church and John encourages with the truth.

This verse stuck out to me:

"I ask that we love one another. ⁶And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love."

Love and truth go hand in hand.

And John implores us to look out for those that will deceive us from love and that you are not to run ahead of God's commandment of love but walk in it. Try not to control your life so much, but be at ease. If you try to control everything you'll realize: it's an impossible feat. If God truly exists then he would be better at ordering your life as well as taking care of it. If God exists then he would know every hair that's on your head, every memory you've forgotten, and would have a great deal more compassion for you than you have for yourself. God won't abandon his love for you even if you decide to cage yourself from him. He's set the cage free for a price and now you can decide whether you want that freedom or if you'd like to stay in the cage a little longer, or even go back to it.

That's how I'm perceiving God lately.

Love is undeniable. You can betray yourself into thinking you're not good enough for love or from knowing what you truly love. Love is the greatest depth of all. It is endless, infinite, and continues to grow and is a commitment that can't be broken. Of course we as humans with all our glamorous imperfections and hysteria fall short of love, but if God exists he is capable to keep loving you no matter what. If God exists he wouldn't be able to deny love, for love extends into infinity. No matter what he loves you. No matter how hard you are on yourself, no matter what you've done, no matter what. I do think we can fool ourselves into thinking he is an evil genius or fool ourselves into believing we are the rulers... when in fact death rules over us. If we believe ourselves into supreme Gods then we blind ourselves of eternity because we are incapable of eternity on our own.

Truth. Truth is absolute. It is undeniable. It's not questionable and it's powerful, almost too powerful. If truth is subjective to the thinker than their perspective is limited. Most human thinking is subjective truth. If there is a God his truth would be absolute and undeniable. We can lean on our subjective truth; we are allowed to do so. It can guide you quite well even in replacement of God.

But if God does in fact exist... his truth would always be superior to yours which is limited to you, your perspective of the world, your identity, your existence on Earth's timeline, and so on and so forth.

So God is absolute truth. He is all knowing. Superior in wisdom. Beyond the confines of space and time and energy. He is also absolute love. Fixed love for you and also ever expanding.

True love would be such of only a God.

Human love is imperfect and must be refined constantly in order to direct it, harness it, and flourish in it. If we stand on human love alone we end up with warped, disfigured hearts. Hearts that we make of our own choosing that end up trying to exist in some diminished shape.

I read a quote not too long ago that's stuck with me: "If you don't follow your dreams, nightmares will find you."

Everyone has distinct dreams attached to their hearts that were placed there. When we deny those dreams our hearts end up becoming a new shape not of our own. We are not meant to be carpenter's of our hearts. We are to live and be free with what our heart is ticking at us daily. Not everyone wants to sing, dance, count, think, enjoy, paint, write, etc. Certain talents are unique to you and make your identity.

If God doesn't exist we are inevitable to warped shaped hearts, broken and glued back together with whatever we can find. If God does exist... our hearts may have a bit more of a chance.

Shortest

Going through the Bible and writing posts on it. Felt like I needed to do such a thing. Oh, and I'm doing it backwards.

3 John

John starts this off with saying 3 John 1:2 "I pray that you may enjoy good health..."

Hey, how often do you enjoy that you are healthy?

I think we tend to think of health as with having a balanced diet and exercising. Easy enough to check the condition of our health on a physical level... but

Do we have healthy relationships?

A healthy education?

A healthy mindset?

A healthy way of viewing one's self?

A healthy environment?

A healthy spiritual life?

A healthy sleep schedule?

A healthy understanding of...

I don't know. Kind of overwhelming, and one can easily become obsessive if one is looking for a perfectly made health-full life. I suppose we should count our blessings and recognize where we do have health, especially since we only have so many years.

John is overjoyed to know that his friends are reaching out to others in service.

Are you overjoyed when you hear of others helping those in need?

3 John 9-10 "I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us."

Diotrephes was a man mentioned in the (Third Epistle of John, verses 9–11). His name means "fed by Jupiter". As Raymond E. Brown comments, "Diotrephes is not a particularly common name."^[1]

In addition to being ambitious, proud, disrespectful of apostolic authority, rebellious, and inhospitable, the author of the letter says that Diotrephes tried to hinder those desiring to show hospitality to the brothers and to expel these from the congregation. Not even the location of Diotrephes' church can be determined from the letter. It is debatable whether the antipathy expressed in 3 John is based on "a theological dispute, a clash of competing eccesiastical authorities,a disagreement about financial responsibilities for the mission, or personal dislike".^[2]

Malicious gossip.

+

Odd pictures, yes. Malicious gossip, not just gossip, BUT MALICIOUS! Sounds like Diotrephes was a real jerk. I don't know why I'm being so goofy for this post, but a great deal of this letter's context has been lost. The content and overall message is still prevalent, but I am having fun with the background of it.

3 John 11-12 "Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone -- and even by the truth itself."

I like this book. It really lays out terms of Christianity in easy bite size language.

Now who is this Demetrius fellow?

Not much else is given.

3 John 14 "Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name."

The Third Epistle of John, usually referred to simply as Third John and often written 3 John, is a book of theNew Testament attributed to John the Evangelist, traditionally thought to be the author of the Gospel of John and the other two epistles of John. This Epistle is the shortest book in the Bible (least words; 2 John has less verses).

Simplicity my friends, healthy living and greeting others by their name.

Be Merciful

For those of you just tuning in, I have decided to explore my religious views on a much more mature and adult level. I'm actually known for writing strong papers and accommodating it with thick amounts of research. Generally, I'm not one for standardized tests or group think. I try to explore ideas and admit my faults, prejudices, and the like in order to be honest and vulnerable. I am not a perfect human being, I don't strive to be, but rather to practice virtue and other gifts of the mind in order to strengthen who I am as the tests of life unfold.

I decided to use this blog, since I've stayed with it and now I am using it to explore my thoughts, to overall stay committed to reading the Bible as a whole. I'm going from the New Testament to the Old Testament. Going from what is most present and into the past.

Each post will only cover (1) book of the Bible. For the lengthier books, I can only read them for (1) hour and then must stop and write on that amount of reading. This will cause some posts to end up being a bit more generalized or potentially weighter than others why the shorter books may end up having more thought from me. I'm using wikipedia as a source mainly because of time issues. Wikipedia is a great site for initial research and I promote that if you are to inquire more into a subject to use it, find the sources it used, and look further. I will attest that a great amount of knowledge that I've found has come from a first glance at a page or two from wikipedia and generally that started an interest, of course it doesn't always get its facts straight... I will goof up too, I'm sure.

I'm doing this for a number of reasons, and I hope to stay with this. I think I need to be honest with my views on God and see how solid they actually are and how well I relate and trust the Bible. For if it is in fact the word of God, it couldn't hurt to be acquainted with it.

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Jude

Jude was one of the Twelve Apostles of Jesus. He is generally identified with Thaddeus, and is also variously called Jude of James, Jude Thaddaeus, Judas Thaddaeus or Lebbaeus. He is sometimes identified with Jude, "brother" of Jesus, but is clearly distinguished from Judas Iscariot, another disciple and later the betrayer of Jesus.

Opinion is divided on whether Jude the apostle is the same as Jude, brother of Jesus, who is mentioned in Mark 6:3 and Matthew 13:55-57, and is the traditional author of the Epistle of Jude.^[7] Some Catholics believe the two Judes are the same person,^[8] while Protestants do not.^[9]

In the comparable apostle-lists of Matthew 10:3 and Mark 3:18, Jude is omitted, but there is a Thaddeus (or in some manuscripts of Matthew 10:3, "Lebbaeus who was surnamed Thaddaeus") listed in his place. This has led many Christians since early times to harmonize the lists by positing a "Jude Thaddeus", known by either name.

Some Biblical scholars reject this theory, holding that Jude and Thaddeus did not represent the same person.^[3] Scholars have proposed alternate theories to explain the discrepancy: an unrecorded replacement of one for the other during the ministry of Jesus because ofapostasy or death;^[3] the possibility that "twelve" was a symbolic number and an estimation;^[4] or simply that the names were not recorded perfectly by the early church.^[5]

However, some conservative Christian writers argue that, because the name "Judas" was so tarnished by Judas Iscariot, it was reasonable for Mark and Matthew to refer to him by his alternate name.^[6].

^{Maybe not as prolific as other disciples of Jesus Christ, but one of the 12. Handpicked by Christ to follow him and one of the starters of the Christian Church. He died for his martyrdom.}

^{Jude 1: 3-4 "I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints. For certain men whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord."}

^{These words are heart pressed. I can feel the exigency and emotion of them. He clearly is witnessing false men among him and knows the grave dangers of this. When we use grace as a license for immorality we mock Jesus Christ and what he actually did. We are not helping anyone if we know Christ, have had a personal revelation of him or have come at a crossroads with him to any degree; we are not helping if we mock his name, going against what we know as truth. Jesus is the lamb and he loves all, but he's also the lion. He holds the keys to death and Hades, so don't fool yourself into thinking he only cries mercy when all in the same he is our patron of justice. Jude 1: 5 "Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord delivered his people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe."}

Rejoice for freedom is given to you. Do not let your doubts overpower you when you do find that freedom. If you're still on the fence or don't believe in this, I understand. But when those chains come off and you find yourself in a wandering desert, and you find that those chains around you have institutionalized and lobotomized you to the world -- hold fast to the freedom, don't be made an idiot when you have realized the truth even if for a time you will wonder without the structure you once knew.

Jude 1: 8-10 "In the very same way, these dreamers pollute their own bodies, reject authority and slander celestial beings. But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, 'The Lord rebuke you!' Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals-- these are the very things that destroy them.

Take caution to your words. If Michael, one of the three archangels, did not utter a "slanderous accusation" against the devil -- why more should you? These are matters to which we do not understand. Matters drenched in time, space, and the beyond.

Abuse by words is not a laughing matter. Have respect for what you say; it influences those around you, more than you probably know. It influences the way people perceive you and you need to be careful of how you think of yourself. What abusive words may you be throwing at you? Do you see that you are a marvelous being with the gift of life or has the world reduced you to the point that you can't see how you matter anymore?

Jude 1:11 "Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam's error; they have been destroyed in Korah's rebellion." I looked up "Korah" because that name was unfamiliar to me. There was a great deal of information, but I think to sum it up quickly: there were two Korah's in the Bible, one rebelled against Israel; the other against Moses.

Jude 1:12-13 "These men are blemishes at your love feasts, eating with you without the slightest qualm--shepherds who feed only themselves. They are clouds without rain, blown along by the wind; autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted-- twice dead. They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever."

I love the above language. The metaphors are made easy and yet full of depth. These men are like the acne of Christianity. A nuisance, obvious stain upon the face -- and this stain only feeds itself. A shepherd who serves itself rather than those less fortunate. Huge wake up call. How often do you look to those around you? Serve them? Visit with them? Or do you only look out for yourself?

Cloud without storm; trees without fruit -- they die not only here, but in judgment. Stop wandering and foaming at the mouth. Use the message and its power directed in the proper way rather than wander into complete darkness.

Jude 1: 14-15 "Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about these men: "See, the Lord is coming with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone, and to convict all the ungodly of all the ungodly acts they have done in the ungodly way, and of all the harsh words ungodly sinners have spoken against him."

Enoch appears briefly in the Old and New Testament. He is also represented in the Book of Enoch, which formed part of the Dead Sea Scrolls collection and presents itself as being written by Enoch himself.

Notably, as the great grandfather of Noah, Enoch is said through the Book of Enoch to have known of the coming of the great flood and hence Noah's knowledge of its coming. Enoch is noted as one of three humans (the others being Elijah and The Blessed Virgin Mary) who, according to Christian tradition, were assumed into heaven.^[1][2]

^{Jude 1: 18-19 "'In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.' These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit."}

^{We need to be conscious of our actions. You have free-will, so make decisions. If you just live into the moment, you can easily fall victim to behavioral instinct which may provide some sustenance, but does not compare to human reasoning. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Even more so, trust in God and his word. Try it and see what blessings it has to offer for these blessings are promised. Taming ones desires and learning self-control helps you to refine your spirit and for a Christian this is easily obtained through obedience of God's word. God can intervene and will provide a way for you to develop self-control. Remember, this is a gift and many people struggle with the oddest things when it comes to self-control (food addictions, porn, movies, books, collections, clothes, words, lingo, scholarship, women, potatoes, conquests, board games, smells, you name it). Self-control is a way of loving yourself and those around you. Since we are in a chaotic world, establishing and giving ourselves law shows that we do care. God gave us law because he loves us; he saw a need for order when we were so lost to chaos.}

^Conclusion

^{Jude 1:24-25 "To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy-- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."}

Jude's concluding words are a prayer to keep from falling. He's encouraging you to persevere. To constrain your tongue. To constrain your selfish desires. To overall: be honorable people who respect God, his people, celestial beings, those around you, the saints, and yourself. Jude has a love for people and his heart is pressed that you use Jesus' name for glory and not as a license to bend rules.

I thought of the below song as I was reading Jude. One of my favorite songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egM_jQVsfxI&feature=related

Revelation's cryptic nature has ensured that it would always be a source of controversy.

Revelation 20:5-22

Head spinning. Too much information.

Scholars, ministers, politicians and the like find Revelation to be the mad deliriums of a mentally unstable man. From Martin Luther to Thomas Jefferson, this book does not always collect respect.

Maybe that's why I like it. It isn't your normal read. On the other hand, I've spent the past year or so looking at various conceptualizations of this book and if you think John was mad, these believers who've gone way off the deep end would make him as tame as a caterpillar. We've pointed the finger at various culprits for the end of the world drama, perhaps some of those accusations are accurate.

If anything this book confuses me on the complexity of dimension. It's one thing to accept that I'm conscious an another to prove I'm conscious and then to implore that I am a witness of my own case is... not actually in the confines of a perfect test which is why we are capable of other possibilities that maybe this is all a dream, the works of an evil genius, or the wrath of a god. Revelation not only confuses me about my existence but where it will go after I die with layers of hell (actually, this word was never mentioned in Revelation), a lake of fire, death, Hades, the Abyss, purgatory (nor was this word), limbo (nope, not there), judgment, heaven (sky), heaven (God's throne), earth, a new earth... please someone stop me.

It's so thick that my finite brain can't handle it.

Here's the truth: the Revelation John experienced OVERWHELMED him. It's complex. From what I can understand, the gist of it is that at some point Christ returns for his church and they live in infinity. The details are rich -- like a chocolate sundae with peanut butter syrup kind of rich. It is not expected of you to understand all of it; your brain may want to try, but you don't know everything about the world and that's impossible. You only live a fragment of a few years and then you die.

Now here's the thing, why was John selected for this vision? This is one of the most powerful, destructive, and heal-all messages. Not everyone has the capacity to be submerged into it and come out living to tell it. John had a distinct persona that enabled him to be open-minded enough to jump from his finite timeline and be juxtaposed into a whole other universe. If God exists, I do believe he would create each person with a distinct personality and purpose.

John the Apostle, also known as John the Beloved Disciple, (Ancient Greek: Ἰωάννης) (c. 6 - c. 100) was one of the Twelve Apostles of Jesus. He was the son of Zebedee and Salome, and brother of James also the son of Zebedee, another of the Twelve Apostles. Christian tradition holds he was the last surviving of the Twelve Apostles, the only one to die a natural death and died around the age of 94.

Christian tradition identifies him as the author of several New Testament works: the Gospel of John, the Epistles of John, and the Book of Revelation. Some modern scholars believe that John the Apostle, John the Evangelist, and John of Patmos were three separate individuals.^[2] Certain lines of evidence suggest that John of Patmos wrote only Revelation, neither the Gospel of John nor the Epistles of John. For one, the author of Revelation identifies himself as "John" several times, but the author of the Gospel of John never identifies himself directly. Roman Catholic scholars state that "vocabulary, grammar, and style make it doubtful that the book could have been put into its present form by the same person(s) responsible for the fourth gospel." ^[3]

^{Roman Catholic tradition states that after the Assumption, John did go to Ephesus and from there wrote the three epistles traditionally attributed to him. John was allegedly banished by the Roman authorities to the Greek island of Patmos, where some believe that he wrote the Book of Revelation. According to Tertullian (in The Prescription of Heretics) John was banished (presumably to Patmos) after being plunged into boiling oil in Rome and suffering nothing from it. It is said that all in the entire Colosseum audience were converted to Christianity upon witnessing this miracle. This event would have occurred during the reign of Domitian, a Roman emperor who was known for his persecution of Christians in the late first century.}

John the Apostle was the son of Zebedee, and the brother of St. James the Greater. The Eastern Orthodox tradition gives his mother's name as Salome. They originally were fishermen and fished with their father in the Lake of Genesareth. He was first a disciple of John the Baptist and later one of the twelve apostles of Jesus.

Christian tradition holds that John had a prominent position in the Apostolic body. Peter, James and John were the only witnesses of the raising of Jairus' daughter,^{[Mk. 5:37]} of theTransfiguration^{[Mt. 17:1]} and of the Agony in Gethsemane.^{[Mt 26:37]} Only he and Peter were sent into the city to make the preparation for the final Passover meal (the Last Supper).^{[Lk 22:8] [4]} At the meal itself, his place may have been next to Jesus on whose chest he leaned if he is indeed the "disciple whom Jesus loved." However, this can not be concluded with certainty.^{[Jn 13:23-25]}According to the general interpretation, John was also that "other disciple" who with Peter followed Jesus after the arrest into the palace of the high-priest.^{[Jn. 18:15]} John alone remained near Jesus at the foot of the cross on Calvary with Jesus’ mother, Mary, and the pious womenand took Mary into his care as the last legacy of Jesus.^{[Jn. 19:25-27]}

Both the Letters and Revelation presuppose that John belonged to the multitude of personal eyewitnesses of the life and work of Jesus (cf. especially 1 Jn. 1:1-5; 4:14), that he had lived for a long time in Asia Minor, was thoroughly acquainted with the conditions existing in the various messianic communities there, and that he had a position of authority recognized by all messianic communities as leader of this part of the church. Moreover, Revelation says that its author was on the island of Patmos "for the word of God and for the testimony of Jesus", when he was honoured with the vision contained in Revelation.^{[Rev. 1:9]} John, like his Old Testament counterpart Daniel, was kept alive to receive the prophetic vision.

Though most scholars agree in placing the Gospel of John somewhere between AD 65 and 85,^[6] John A.T. Robinson proposes an initial edition by 50–55 and then a final edition by 65 due to narrative similarities with Paul.^{[7]:pp.284,307} Other critical scholars are of the opinion that John was composed in stages (probably two or three).^[8]:p.43 The text itself states only that the Fourth Gospel was written by an anonymous follower of Jesus referred to as the Beloved Disciple.^{[citation needed]} It is traditionally believed that John survived his contemporary apostles and lived to an extreme old age, dying at Ephesus in about A.D. 100.

God had reasons for him that were different than the rest of the disciples. It is evident that John participated in events in Jesus' life that were not experienced by the whole. He is also often compared with Daniel, another who witnessed extraordinary visions beyond compare. In fact, there are several Biblical characters who are visited in such a way and were considered madmen of their time and yet revered for their mind. The Pharaoh appointed Joseph from the jail to staff for accurately interpreting dreams.

It's because of his open mind and open heart that he was able to see these things. It's because he lived for so long and had so many perceptions on society that he was even able to write of such far off things. What he may describe as a cloud -- who knows! All the layering of dimensions and what it means for the soul or even the existence of a soul -- just as ambiguous!

Here's what I understand that the Bible is teaching: due to sin, man and woman separated their selves from God. This separation is far more complicated than any of us understand,but it created a new order and law for us to abide. In allowing sin into our lives, we were unable to be with God anymore. He is so much greater than us that his mere presence would have crushed us. We can't see, hear, experience God the way we desire and no matter how much we wish he would magically appear the honest truth is that is holiness would in an ironic twist, kill us. We are fragile beings and God understands that so he communicates with us and helps us to see things with the best and proper intentions.

His wrath is magnificent, it's all powerful, and he holds it back so that you can live. With our free-wills, which were given to us so that we could choose to love him or whatever we please rather than forcing us to have feelings for him, we left the "garden." I'm not sure if this garden is figurative or literal, but I do know we left the presence of infinity and went into the shadowland of the finite. We are random existing finite numbers; it is intended to disturb you.

Seriously, being finite doesn't make any sense. How can a series of numbers be pulled from a greater scale? To be finite must mean that there is an infinite, unless infinity is actually an imaginary number. A finite existence has to come from somewhere and whatever existence that comes from has to come from somewhere as well: in conclusion, if we do exist and we are finite it's hard to believe that we are only a random configuration of numbers without infinity. We escaped infinity with sin. We literally cannot live without God. If God doesn't exist: we don't exist. If infinity does not exist: the finite cannot exist either. It would just be a floating number, isolated from the greater scheme of reality.

Now, as to figuring out what is God... that's even more complicated. This is what I'll be exploring as I delve into my Bible a little deeper.

What Revelation tells is that our existence as of now is only in the shadowland. Things are not perfect from your mind, your body, your grass, the sky, everything is imperfect. We don't have perfectly made genders, organs, eyesight, hearing: lets face it, unstable emotions, thoughts, impulses... due to being finite we have a lot of problems. God is allowing us to exist in this state and he has a rescue plan, literally the Christ which is and always was to radically bring us out of this existence and into our proper order. This has taken time and energy and came at a significant price, his first born son.

What the Bible teaches is that you must be born again, that there is a second death, that there is... more to it. If you die here, it's meaningless: this is the finite realm. It's when you encounter the second death, where you face infinity that you are bound to potential non-existence or torture, who knows really because at that point I don't know what happens when you separate yourself from God again. Maybe it's continual self-torture, I mean at that point the absence of love in your life should strike you fairly hard. You were born into this world, but there's another world that you can be born into to save yourself, the real world that you were meant to find true existence.

In fact, there is also a first resurrection. Not surprising, considering this should all correspond in some sort of mathematical sense.

Revelation 20: 5 "(The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended.) This is the first resurrection."

What does that mean? I have no idea. Time is the variable that is hardest to pinpoint in the Bible when jumping from a chronological finite perspective to a much more than linear time perspective on infinity. Basically here, for a time, Jesus is with a few chosen priests to rule an encampment on the old earth, before earth is truly resurrected. Satan is in the abyss and is freed after a thousand years, once out he becomes a military leader and with Gog and Magog attempts to overtake the holy camp. The devil is thrown in a "lake of fire." Torment is non-existence, right? To not experience life at all? Why would God offer something even a sliver of life after they abandon him completely? What is God's love? Does he stop granting it or do we abandon it into non-existence? How do you live without God and without a finite realm? Perhaps it is the Abyss and with this bottomless existence, you exist less and less with each passing moment.

Anyway, after this incident, and Earth's final death... the dead (of round 1) are judged.

Revelation 20: 13-15

"The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. Then death (lowercased) and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire."

Huge paradox. If death does not exist then what is the lake of fire for if death dies of death.... intriguing. I'm going to move on and think of this more.

As well, judged according to what he had done? We are saved by the grace of Jesus Christ; so then what is it saying with "according to what he had done." I think you can deny the grace of God. In some cases, maybe you didn't have the opportunity to meet Christ? Therein lies why I'm not in charge of this task. Through him is obvious victory... without him, it's a mystery. A mystery I wouldn't put hope into if one can avoid it.

And now we have the new heaven and new earth:

Revelation 21: 1

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea."

Even the heaven we have... is finite. What is heaven, exactly? Is it the sky or is it something more? I think saying the kingdom of God makes sense but is heaven synonymous? No really, I'm truly asking this because this one confuses me.

Revelation 21: 3-4

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Fascinating, right? To us it is the old order of ways, but I think in actuality this garbage we're living in is the new way, right? We are returning to the correct order of existence.

I thought I'd throw this verse in because everyone seems to think Heaven is just a pearly gate: it's described with several radiant colors.

Revelation 21: 19-20

"The first foundation was

jasper,

the second sapphire,

the third chalcedony,

the fourth emerald,

the fifth sardonyx,

the sixth carnelian,

the seventh chrysolite,

the eighth beryl,

the ninth topaz,

the tenth chrysoprase,

the eleventh jacinth,

and the twelfth amethyst."

Revelation 21: 23

"The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp."

If we have light itself, then why have artificial representations of light?

Chapter 22, describes in detail the tree of life. I love endings that go back to the beginning (Genesis) and tie everything together. The fruit of paradise continues on. The fruit that grows on trees connects with spirituality in that the seed that we plant for our minds will be the end result of the fruit we make. You can tell the condition of a tree by the fruit it makes -- simple enough?

Revelation 22: 3

"No longer will there be any curse." Like I said, until restored to infinity, we live as cursed beings and sometimes judging what we should do under this blanket of curses is more than difficult.

Revelation 22: 8-11

"I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had been showing them to me. But he said to me, 'Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers the prophets and of all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!' Then he told me, 'Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time near.'

I think if we look to John as an example through this Revelation it will make it easier to have eyes to understand the overall meaning of this prophecy.