New Script Results

I was in the top 10% in the last competition. My feedback was awesome and now between school and all the other assortment of things, I'm planning how I'll come up with a rewrite to... ultimately have this script sold. :)

So, I'm going to take a couple of minutes here before preparing a shot list, and write out a few notes for the student short. The more familiar I become with these thoughts, the more prepared I'll be when taking a knife to a piece that's in need of a little more carving.

1. I just realized finally how to make Bradley, one of my favorite characters, a more valid part of the story. And also, to get rid of a part that I thought was too long anyway. Time and time again I've been told his story doesn't quite work, but yet he's so enjoyable and I've trusted myself this far to see him through. I think in the next rewrite, he will be the plot that gives it validity, explains the whole Shirston deal, and also why he's so fascinated by MI5 and Aryanna. I don't want to give it away just yet. It'll be a fairly large change. The key with Bradley: how does his plot line affect the outcome of the story.

2. The Unicorn and the statue. I need to explain this baby out as well. I think I'll have Bradley explore the unicorn while Aryanna carries on her role in the mansion. She obviously needs some boosting in the first two acts and I'm not entirely sure how to raise her protagonist arc. Daniel connects with the audience more. I think I just need to hand more of the pie to Aryanna and show that even though her conflict is that she's restrained by society, she has some wiggle room to make decisions.

In the main dialogue with her and Daniel, it should be clear that she is the stronger of the two personalities.

3. Overt dialogue. I've been working on this heavily and from feedback to feedback, I can tell I've improved. I added a few scenes in the end of the script, and I think now is the time to go back through and cut some of it while adding more visually stunning sequences.

4. The ANGEL character will be cut. The list of exiled characters continues.

5. The TEEN scene with Rufin needs to be moved up higher in the script. This may help to signal ACT II. I personally thought the dream sequence and Daniel and Aryanna's banter was a clear enough signal, but I'm evidently wrong. I'll think of a clever way to pull this off.

6. The percentage of flashbacks needs to come down. With adjusting the end, this may be accomplished.

7. Not sure why demons turn people into statues... they're evil. So I need to work on this minor plot thread as well.

8. Why is Aryanna an angel that was cast out?

These are the major goals for the next lining.
Let's take a look here for a second at the major and minor plotlines:

A.] Aryanna: young woman who grows up with impulses that allow her to read others minds. Does not know past because she erases it. Orphan.
Aryanna needs to become more active in her role.
B.] Rufin: MI5 agent, head of paranormal research, Aryanna's adoptive father, has a certain memory that demons want in order to flesh out their goal: world domination.
The percentage of Rufin may need to be increased.
C.] Daniel: love interest of Aryanna, helps pilot her through her own rescue, a major decision for Aryanna in facing her life.
D.] Bradley and his friends: connected through accounts in Shirston, the media that follows in this world. The obsession.
Needs to be more vital in the outcome of the story.
E.] MI5 vs. Demons (Abinadi and Papra): government agency based on maintaining order vs. demonic presence that wants to maintain control. Wants to have Aryanna on their side for her weapon like powers.
Needs statue and unicorn explanation.

Okay, as repetitive as all that may sound to the reader, this is going to help me immensely.

Directing?

Hey, right now I'm taking a short break from polishing my screenplay. Over the past few months I killed 20 pages. A lot of writers say killing darlings is terrible -- but I rather enjoyed getting rid of the crap in my writing. It was exciting to see it improve. Like trimming off fat and scrapping it into a waste bin. I just sent it to be analyzed again and see where it needs improvement.

Last round, I killed about 4 characters to never come into fruition, deleted whole sequences (one's that have been there since the beginning), and added more on the Abinadi character. Apparently, I have an amazing antagonist and my critiques were wondering why I didn't integrate him more into the story. Simple: I was basing my antagonist after the best video games of all time, where the villain doesn't actually come till the end. You never see his face, until you must. Oh well. This is film -- not my mind.

I'm curious to see what the results are on it. I've become rather attached to Aryanna, and Daniel even though I only see his character arc for this project.

Anyway, I'm taking a break. Graduation is looming, Sydney's wedding is coming up, and I'm directing one of the student films, which is an interesting role. I hope that I can do it with humility and respect along with all the communication and technical applications that obviously must be there. I have a strong team so I hope we can carry this all through into completion. All I know is there is no better way to graduate from college than making your own student film that technically should be worth 25,000 dollars. Come on, would you rather do this or take some math exam? Yes, it's exciting. Difficult, I must attest to.

But more than worthwhile.

--Loving my breaks